he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
