Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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