Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
