i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
