what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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