You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
farters have to be the big spoon...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
