the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
