I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
