She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
