u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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