2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
