you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
