Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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