my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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