she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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