Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize