Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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