Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
