We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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