Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
BRING THE BAGELS
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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