Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
