Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize