I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
