I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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