at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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