Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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