Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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