Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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