Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
