she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You have to summon your inner elephant
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
