Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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