bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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