just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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