dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
