I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
