youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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