also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
