Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize