smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think i have two assholes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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