No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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