So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize