that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
