i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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