I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
