i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
