I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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