I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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