"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
