So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize