There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The power of my boobs compel you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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