Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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