there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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