i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have already put on my inside pants.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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