Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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