This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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