Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
