He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
