In the future we'll all be gay
I'm jealous of your bromance
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
