I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
