I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
