My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
