Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
