I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
