he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
