our cab driver is having phone sex.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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