I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
