he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
