What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
