you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
