there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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