Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
