Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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